If you are reading this and something in your relationship feels wrong, do not explain it away. Do not analyse it. Do not wait to see if it gets better. Get out.

Femicide in South Africa does not usually come out of nowhere. It builds quietly inside homes and relationships. It starts with control that gets dressed up as love. Jealousy that gets called passion. Monitoring that gets called concern. Isolation that gets sold as commitment.

It is not romantic. It is dangerous.

South Africa has one of the highest femicide rates in the world

According to Africa Check (September 2025), South Africa’s female homicide rate is around five to six times higher than the global average. A large proportion of women who are murdered are killed by men they know, often intimate partners or ex-partners. This is not street crime. This is domestic violence that escalates. "South Africa has one of the world’s highest femicide rates. The UNODC recorded the global female homicide rate at roughly 2.2 per 100,000 in 2021. In 2022, South Africa's femicide rate was 12.2 per 100,000 – about six times higher."

• If a man is jealous of your friends, that is not love
• If he questions where you go, who you see, or what you wear, that is not care
• If he tracks you, checks your phone, follows your movements, or makes you feel guilty for having a life outside of him, that is not devotion.

It is control,
and control is one of the clearest warning signs.

Women are often taught to soften this reality. To be understanding, to see “territorial” behaviour as flattering and to believe that intense attention means deep feeling. It does not. It means ownership and ownership thinking is what turns arguments into assaults, and assaults into deaths.

If you do not feel safe, telling a friend is not enough

If you are not married and you do not have children with this man, leave the relationship immediately. Not next week. Not after you think things through. Yesterday.

If you are married, if you have children, if finances scare you, none of that matters more than your life. Money can be rebuilt. Trauma and death cannot.

If you are afraid, involve the police. That is what they are there for. Do not worry about whether you are overreacting. Women who were killed were also once told they were overreacting.

The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to leave or when a man feels he is losing control. That is why speed as well as support matters and that is why hesitation can be fatal.

If any of the above feels familiar, act.

Help and emergency support in South Africa
If you are in immediate danger:

• SAPS Emergency: 10111
• Crime Stop: 08600 10111

For urgent GBV support:

• Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (24/7): 0800 428 428
• SMS “Help” to 31531
• Website: https://gbv.org.za/about-us/

If you know a woman who is being controlled or isolated, do not minimise it. Do not tell her to be patient. Help her leave.

Femicide is not about bad luck or being in the wrong place. It is about ignoring early warning signs because we are taught to doubt ourselves, to be polite, to be understanding, to be accommodating.

If you feel unsafe, that feeling is information.

Listen to it.
Trust it.
Get out.

Your life is worth more than his ego, his jealousy, his apologies, or his promises.